Messy mama

Have you seen that video floating around social media with the Mom running around like a chicken with it's head cut off trying to clean every nook and cranny before company arrives? Ever been that Mom? I sure have. It used to feel like I had to make it look as if no one lived in my house before I could invite people over. Of course, the honest truth is that I have five children, two dogs who shed a lot, and my domestic skills are mediocre. I try to keep up with the house and I enjoy having a clean house so much, but my children are young, and I take time to do things I enjoy often, like journaling, reading, and yoga- all of which I like much more than cleaning. The result is a lived-in, comfy, sometimes laundry on the floor and dishes in the sink house. Last Saturday after a morning of yoga and jogging on the beach, a Dunkin Donuts run, drama about not wanting to go to cheer (we didn't) and rushing out the door for drum lessons all before 10am, I got a text from a friend who had moved to Washington D.C. the previous year. They were in town, headed to beach, and did we want to see them? Of course! I did a little squeal in the parking lot of Aldi out of excitement. Being part of the military community, our friends move a lot. Sometimes our paths get to cross again, but often, they don't. We are thankful and so appreciate when they do! As we loaded up the groceries, I did a mental scan of how each room in our house looked. Kids' room: disaster. Our room: semi decent. Guest room: not the worst. Kitchen: Aye yi yi. I didn't know any more ahead of time that they'd be coming so I hadn't had time to do a crazy cleaning. We were in the middle of meal planning, grocery shopping, and extracurricular activities day and there wasn't going to be much time. I stressed for a just minute, then thought, forget it. I love my friends. They love me. It doesn't matter. We came home, I loaded the dishwasher, made sure the toilets had been flushed, and vacuumed the excess dog hair on the floor and called it a day. I didn't have a great plan for dinner but luckily I'd been texting with my domestic goddess friend, Letoya earlier in the week. She'd made a yummy peanut sauce over noodles with veggies in an attempt to eat less meat. My husband won't go for that, but the sauce sounded good and I had everything on hand. They came over, didn't care about the lived in look and our kids played and husbands grilled and drank beer. It's always amazing to see how friends who move away mature and grow and gain confidence and this visit was no exception. We traded parenting stories, understanding the hard parts of moving to a totally unfamiliar place. It felt so amazing to have added people around our table again. There are quite a few of us to begin with, so we pulled up two camping chairs and took turns eating with the kids. It certainly wasn't anything you'd find in a Better Homes and Gardens magazine, but it was lovely. Though I make some fantastic homemade noodles, I wanted to spend more time catching up with my friends and less time cooking, so the fettucini came from a box. The alfredo from a jar. The peanut sauce needed more Sriracha and less peanut butter, and the meat was pretty tough. Nobody cared. The newly solids eating babies laughed and entertained us all with their enthusiasm for the very mediocre food I'd cooked. The company, not the food, made the meal. I thought of all the times I was too worried about how my house looked or whether the food would taste decent or not to invite anyone for dinner. I can't describe how much this impromptu visit warmed my soul. We're meant to be in community with people. To enjoy them and do life together. Messy house. Clean house. Crabby kids. Happy kids. When we're able to approach the world knowing we are worthy of love and connection, what our houses look like matters little. At our hearts, most of us are good mamas, good friends, good people. So show it! Invite your friends over. Even us introverts enjoy it immensely for a few hours, I promise. Seat people around your table. Serve them your imperfect food on your dishes that don't match and offer water from the faucet if that's what you've got. Hospitality is about heart. I've got a lot of that.