Bedtime.

I feel like I need scary movie music to begin this post. Dun. Dun. Dun. That's the best I can do.

I've posted before about my general loathing of all things bedtime. My children basically come out of the womb hating sleep. About the time they start sleeping through the night the nap has been ditched for each one. I used to just think it was likely crappy parenting on my part. The more I read about "normal" infant and toddler sleep though the more I realize I've got pretty normal kids. We believe in meeting our kids' nighttime needs and that includes helping them to fall asleep, usually. Which is sometimes a pain. By the time 8 p.m. rolls around I'm feeling like Cruella Deville and ready to shut the world off. I dread it before it even begins. The bath, the teeth, the books all leading up the to power struggle of the day. We've tried lots of things. Earlier bedtimes, later bedtimes, strict routines, lax routines, everything short of Benadryl.  We've had a lot of good nights lately. I lay in bed with the olders and tell stories and they drift off while Will snuggles with the baby and she goes to sleep. Some nights, like tonight though, go more like this:

"Mama, I'm not tired."

"Mama, remember when we went to Disney World and we rode those tea cup rides and I was scared of that rabbit? But I'm not scared of him now cause I love rabbits. What color were those tea cups?"

"Mama, is it time for sliced cheese? That's my bed time snack. It must be time for my bed time snack."

"Mama, I'm gonna play with your hair. It's so soft. Except, here's a tangle. Why do you get your hair tangled?"

"Mama, at the beach, I want to see a whirlpool. But I don't want to get in the whirlpool. And I don't want you to tell that story about whirlpools because then I go to sleep."

And I'm staring at her with wide eyes. Mentally pleading with her to go the eff to sleep. But I remember being that little girl too. The little girl whose brain didn't just shut off and allow her to fall asleep. So sometimes we get up, do some chores and try again in 20 minutes. Sometimes we talk about all the Disney World things I just knew she'd never remember. And sometimes I have to leave for five minutes and get my composure back because I'm angry that it isn't finally my turn to go to sleep or snuggle my husband on the couch. Bedtime and overnight parenting is something I've really had to work on. It isn't easy. I've said that once I start sleeping through the night again I'm never going back. Lord, please let that be true.

We work on it together. She learns little by little ways to help herself fall asleep and I learn by little ways to help her fall asleep too. I know from experience this ends at some point. Her older brother is happy to get a hug and a kiss and climb into bed. It will end. And maybe I'll be sad.

Probably not, but it's a nice thought anyway.